So often in my private counseling, I've heard the same story from both men and women: "I met this attractive, interesting person, the sex was exiting, our relationship started off great, and I fell in love."
Then they go on. "But I've poured my heart into this relationship for over a year, and he (she) just isn't responding. He (she) insists nothing's wrong, but I know something must be."
These are not "Crazy Love" situations, as in Coleen's and my "Did For Love" cases, where the person you're in love with is an obvious philanderer or crazy person. These cases are more like Sandy's story, where the relationship failed to blossom into mutual love and eventual commitment for a different reason: the person you've fallen for looks normal but turns out to be commitment-phobic, has fear of intimacy, or is simply a "witholder."
Invariably, my hopelessly in-love client feels there must be something they're doing wrong, or something more they should do to solve the problem. I feel sad for them, for the unfairness of the situation, but all I can do is tell them the following little story, about a mother and her son and a popcorn machine at a carnival.
His mother gently explains why she can't help. "I'm afraid there's
nothing you can do and nothing I can do; the machine is broken and the
only one who can fix it is a popcorn machine repairman."
In addition to commitment phobia, withholding, and fear of intimacy, there are some other problems you may encounter in relationships which prove sadly resistant to love and the best of intentions. You probably can't: